When a Sibling Uses the Parent's Money Inappropriately — What to Do

Published April 12, 2026 · 5 min read

Your brother has power of attorney over Mom's finances. Understanding how power of attorney works is the first step toward oversight. You noticed her savings dropped by $18,000 in four months. He says it was for "care expenses" but can't produce receipts. Meanwhile, he just bought a new truck. You don't want to believe what you're thinking. But the numbers don't add up, and Mom's care isn't getting any better.

This is one of the hardest situations in family caregiving — and one of the most common. The National Center on Elder Abuse estimates that financial exploitation is the most prevalent form of elder abuse, and in most cases, the perpetrator is a family member.

Red Flags That Something Is Wrong

There's a difference between sloppy bookkeeping and deliberate misuse. But sometimes sloppy bookkeeping is the cover story. Watch for these signs:

• Unexplained account withdrawals — large sums or frequent small ones that don't match care expenses
• Changes to estate documents — new beneficiaries, revised wills, or title transfers while the parent has diminished capacity
• Unpaid bills despite available funds — the parent's care is declining even though their accounts have money
• Isolation of the parent — the sibling controlling the money limits other family members' access to the parent or their financial information
• Lifestyle changes — the controlling sibling's spending increases while the parent's accounts decrease
• Refusal to provide accounting — "I've got it handled" instead of actual numbers

Any one of these could be innocent. Several together are a pattern.

Start With a Conversation (But Document Everything)

Before you escalate, try the direct approach. Your sibling might be careless rather than malicious. They might be combining personal and parent expenses in ways they don't realize are problematic. Or they might have legitimate expenses they haven't documented well.

Ask specific questions: "Mom's savings were at $84,000 in January and $66,000 now. Can you walk me through where that $18,000 went?" Request bank statements. Ask for receipts. A sibling who's acting in good faith will be annoyed but cooperative. A sibling who's stealing will deflect, get angry, or refuse.

Document the conversation — date, what was discussed, what was agreed. If you ask for financial records and they're not provided within a reasonable timeframe (two weeks is generous), that itself is a data point.

Keep your own records of your parent's care needs versus the care they're actually receiving. If Mom has $4,000/month in income and savings to draw from, but she's not getting adequate food, medications, or aide services, where's the money going?

Legal Options When Conversations Fail

If your sibling won't provide financial transparency and you have reason to believe your parent's money is being misused, you have several paths:

Demand an accounting. If your sibling holds power of attorney, they have a legal fiduciary duty to act in your parent's best interest. Most states allow interested parties — which includes other adult children — to petition the court for an accounting of how the parent's money has been spent.

Report to Adult Protective Services. Every state has an APS hotline for reporting suspected elder abuse, including financial exploitation. They will investigate. This is a serious step, but if your parent's money is being stolen, they are the victim and they deserve protection.

Consult an elder law attorney. An attorney can advise on whether you have grounds to challenge the power of attorney, seek a guardianship or conservatorship, or file a civil action to recover misused funds. Many offer free initial consultations.

Contact the bank. If you suspect ongoing theft, the bank where your parent's accounts are held may have an elder financial exploitation unit. Banks are increasingly trained to recognize and flag suspicious activity on elderly customers' accounts.

Prevention Is Easier Than Recovery

The best time to prevent financial misuse is before it starts. If your family is setting up power of attorney or financial management for a parent, build in guardrails from day one:

• Require regular financial reporting. The POA holder provides monthly or quarterly statements to all siblings showing income, expenses, and account balances.
• Set spending thresholds. Expenditures over a certain amount ($500, $1,000) require notification to other siblings.
• Separate the parent's money from the caregiver's money. The POA holder should never co-mingle their personal funds with the parent's accounts.
• Consider co-agents. Two siblings as co-POA agents means every major financial decision requires two signatures. It's less convenient but far more secure.

These aren't signs of distrust. They're standard financial controls that any fiduciary — professional or family — should welcome. A sibling who resists oversight is waving a red flag.

I know this topic feels impossible. Accusing your brother of stealing from your mother — that's a sentence nobody wants to say. But your parent can't protect themselves. That's the whole reason someone has power of attorney in the first place. If that power is being abused, the other siblings have a responsibility to act. Not out of anger. Not for the inheritance. For the parent who trusted their family to take care of them. For a side-by-side look at tools that help families coordinate, check our caregiving app comparison guide.